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nautiluxx

@nautiluxx.eth

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IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT YOU... OR IS IT? You can let your loved one know that their drama is a huge burden for you - not by criticising them for what THEY are doing, but by making YOUR FEELINGS known. Instead of saying 'You always make such drama about this and that' you can say 'I understand you're going through hard times, and I'm so sorry. You know, it makes me feel sad/angry/frustrated, too. I experience this challenge, just as you do. But I also have other things in life - my work, my health, my friendships, money, that I want to make work out, and I want to make them work out togeher with you. And when you are unable to deal with your challenges by taking action, it affects my ability to deal with my life. But I don't have the power to make you take action to solve your problems. YOU are the only one who can find that power. We can help each other. Let's take a step forward together. It can be just as big as you can manage today. That's ok. The important thing is that we keep trying.'
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When your loved one barely leaves the house, of course you're happy anytime they agree to go for a walk together. Then the waiting begins. You do a couple of micro-chores. You tidy up your inbox. You check your Farcaster. In the meantime, your loved one thinks of one more thing to do, then another, then another. You try to nudge them: 'Can we go, please?' as gently as possible in order to avoid a conflict. Because you know if you have a fight now they will stay put and all your effort will have been in vain. Almost an hour goes by and your loved one is finally ready to leave. You're fuming but you still don't want to say anything. Then when you start walking, your loved one starts chatting and you curtly reply with one-liners. After some time, you finally let go of the anger and have a bit of relaxed time together. Then you tell them politely that you felt really angry while waiting for them, to which they immediately take offense.
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You may have been faced with this situation: You live in two worlds. One of them with your friends and colleagues; the other between four walls. And the two worlds may be very different from each other. Someone you live with - your partner, child, parent, friend or relative - lives a different life, marked by depression, anxiety, OCD, neurodiversity or any kind of behaviour that burdens their daily life and their relationships. You love this person and are trying to support them. But sometimes it's fucking difficult. Yet somehow you persevere, hoping and waiting for a glimmer of hope to show up, trying to motivate your loved one, to give them affection and validation but also a (sometimes not so) gentle push. Well, there are many ways to deal with situations like these. And at least as many ways to avoid dealing with them. It's ok. This is really hard; sometimes too hard for one person to tackle. And those of us who are the supporters often don't know where to turn. That's why this channel is here. Welcome!
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