I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

I’m not saying I’m a hero, but I did save the last slice of pizza. 🦸‍♀️🍕

I’m not trying to be funny, I’m just naturally hilarious. 😏😂

I’m not ignoring you, I’m just giving you time to miss me. ⏳💁‍♀️

I’m not sure how to adult today. Do I just wing it or take a nap? 🤷‍♀️💤

I’m not overweight, I’m just undertall. 🧍‍♀️🍔

I’m not clumsy. The floor just has a thing for me. 🏠😂