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wartime art hoe

@ivy

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wartime art hoe pfp
wartime art hoe
@ivy
you ever see really expensive art that screams 'vortex of artistic compromise'
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@ivy
part of the vibe shift seems to be privileged ppl policing how the marginalized react to oppression i think maybe at the macro level it's just the new over/underclasses solidifying themselves and idk in general the world feels (to me) like it's slowly becoming monochrome when it used to be vibrant
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@ivy
the thing that has hurt the most is realizing some relationships were based on 'trans person' rather than 'ivy' i thought i didn't care,that it's just that way for marginalized ppl and you should take the things you're given etc it's made trying to rebuild confidence really difficult bordering on feeling impossible
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@ivy
one thing i have noticed is that orgs have the 'transparency' and 'build in public' thing as implied if not stated values and they undoubtedly work out to 'build in public and be transparent as long as it doesn't make us look bad' there's a lot of freedom in realizing nothing is special and everyone's a hypocrite
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@ivy
i guess maybe i would really like to know why it's so hard for the vaguely right leaning twitter ppl / vibecamp ppl to understand what life can be like for a marginalized person it just seems really sick to me, that ppl know on some level these things happen but they're more upset that ppl talk about them
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@ivy
ppl who are part of those communities and were actually at the events i was at are the ones i've sought support from lately, and they've all said some version of the same thing that there are other ppl who felt the way that i did, that it was a fairly accurate summary of those events etc etc etc
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@ivy
i put a lot of value on my place in the very online social sphere and just realizing how it is/was not special the same kind of hierarchies exist in my other circles, and each of them has their own marketing copy that is probably 'aspirational' and issues they'd rather not resolve
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@ivy
still thinking on the lack of compassion i was shown and how true the 'the world hates sexual assault victims more than it does perpetrators' saying is i think it is just going to take time to fill the voids, process is slowly starting
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@ivy
really happy to be shipping current thing at the end of this week! next LA party is going to be such an outlet
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@ivy
had a really few good days in a row so shouldn't feel bad about having a bad one but still do so happy to have friends like @chicago
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@ivy
thinking about the 2 clubs i desperately don't want to be a part of the sexual assault victim one is due to someone else, the trans one is 'no one's fault' i guess we have so little control over things and i understand better now why a lot of adaptive behaviours, even destructive ones are about taking control back
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@ivy
twitter has such bad energy to it, every time I go back there for a few minutes to msg someone it feels dirty
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@ivy
need it
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@ivy
i have a sex party in LA next month that i'm going as eris with a very traditional black goddess costume, how can i gaycoinz it up
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@ivy
really unsurprised elon's 'woke mind virus' crusade is over his trans daughter cutting him out of her life it's so sad to see how many ppl in the SV inner circles tiptoe around him but that's what having money + influence gets you
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@ivy
i received a text from someone last year that haunts me a bit still, it was one of the reasons i'm still here and i really don't know if it was sincere or not i don't think someone would say 'i really care about you and think about you often' if they didn't mean it but it's easier to take 5 seconds to send a text than to call someone i guess
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@ivy
i think about suicide a lot differently now than i used to, but i think there's still some element of it being a tool of dodging the default world albeit one of last resort happy in spite of things that i'm still making amazing new memories, i have made a little pact with myself that when it's 100% certain that new memories will all be bad ones that it's time for a shortcut to the exit
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@ivy
having my feet in 5 different social circles was crazy making but i'm really glad i kept it up for most of last year some misogynists in the vibecamp community were endlessly gleeful about wielding their weapon of social death and if anything it pushed me to really open up at summit + elsewhere
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@ivy
having a nice little PTSD morning when I need to get work done some of the worst human beings to exist are in the bay and I feel stupid for ever trusting any of them my therapist had a little tinge of sadness visible as she told me I’ll probably be living with some elements of PTSD for the rest of my life
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@ivy
the things that i want back are not relationships that were shallow, or membership in a highly dysfunctional community but those parts of myself that both of those things took away that i think i am still unsure will ever come back i was truly ready to take on the rest of the world, and did, and now i'm just not sure if i still am
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