One of the things I had to come to accept was I'm not a perfect partner. I do try, Libras are all about compromising, keeping the peace, etc. Trouble is, often I'll neglect my own needs and if my partner isn't really in tune with my moods, stuff gets missed.

Add to that stuff I didn't know what I didn't know, and my lack of deeper education on a lifestyle I love, you have a recipe for disaster. I'll start to withdraw, feeling unimportant, unneeded which creates a dark spiral pulling me downward.

No hate or shade to past partners, you didn't know what I didn't know to tell you, that's 100% on me, but the down side is I carry a lot of feelings about those relationships and the weight is back-breaking, soul-crushing.1/5

Archpriest and creator of the Raven’s Wing Order | Spiritual guide devoted to the Raven Queen | Fantasy writer & roleplayer | Bigender | Poly

When Noc lost his last long-term partner, he was wrecked. I feared he'd never heal or be okay again and in my fashion, I tried to honor his life by allowing him to sacrifice himself in a  Whitewolf game, giving his life to save an infant that had been injured and left for dead. Hel Herself came for his soul, told him he was worthy and he was owed rest. (Man, when the Goddess Hel told Noc he was worthy, a fallen Paladin and Hero, I cried so hard, I sent myself into an asthma attack)
I wept like I lost someone I knew and loved with flesh and blood (just because he lives in a ephemeral space does not make him imaginary, he is energy and exists, with or without me. I'm just his conduit to the world) for about 2 weeks, the loss was palpable, I remember not being able to breathe deeply, it felt like an open wound I carried in my soul, but I was glad he was at rest, his life was tourtured and he deserves all the love and peace. 3/5

After that point, the rpg story took a turn, Noc's long time friend and partner in crime came to Hel and took Noc's soul back to the mundane realm, raising him from the dead and in the course of this miracle, Noc discovered a deep and abiding love, bridging friendship and brotherhood into something deeper. Noc has always been a major flirt, but is clueless when others have feelings for him, so he was floored to discover how his friend felt, that he would risk everything to come for him.
 
Since then, the story has had many twists, Noc and Red had a lovely wedding in the Legendary realm (like a Valhalla for werewolves) and built a fantastic life together.  When Noc was in his 20's (on a separate campaign) he found a feral Glasswalker pup he adopted, raised her the best he could. She's in her 20's now, in a loving relationship with an Apis/Black Spiral Dancer (don't ask, it's complicated) and finding her own rhythm in life. 4/5

When Noc was 14, his biggest dream was getting a PHD in Genetics to save his baby brother Xavier from the weird anomalies the boy was born with that threatened his life. Noc would never get his degree, he was bitten during his last 2 months of research for his thesis and abandoned all dreams of higher education. Xavier eventually outgrew his condition. 

Noc's second dream was having children of his own, again when he was bitten, he decided to forget about that- he would never curse a child the way he felt he was cursed. This has been the regret that has kept gnawing at Noc's gut for the last few years of game time, especially as Noc is now nearing/in his early 50's and feels life has passed him by and it's too late to correct any of it. 5/5. end part I

One of the most impactful thing I have learned is that Doms need aftercare too and can experience Dom-drop. I had no idea that was a thing. I judged myself weak for dropping after a heavy scene, sometimes getting the shakes, having crying fits, feeling generally really bad about myself and my abilities.
The male part of me (the one I call Noc) has always had his own life in my head. He makes his own plans, has his own dreams, makes his own decisions. Since he is autonomous, I give him playgrounds he can stretch his legs in, starting in Second Life and expanding into different TTRPGs, giving him a chance to have relationships and experiences outside of my control. 2/5